People these days can’t take a joke. Somehow, they managed to devolve into delicate little snowflakes in the last couple of decades as political correctness has become all the rage. Indeed, these days, misgendering someone can land you in jail, let alone trying to scare the living daylights out of your daughter’s boyfriend who decided to go to your home to ask you if he can take her out on a date.
And it gets worse if you try to scare your daughter’s boyfriend with a gun and people hear about it — at least that’s what Ex-NFL Kicker Jay Freely found out when he posted that photo on Twitter of him holding a gun as he stood between his daughter and her prom date.
But what if you don’t care about being canceled on Twitter, or any social media site for that matter? What if you want to give a warning to your daughter’s boyfriend without talking but instead just letting one of your guns do the talking for you? Well, that could still be a recipe for disaster, as the little weasel could take photos of you and post them on Twitter to tell his friends that you’re trying to pull an Enson Levoux on him.
Then again, as long as you’re not being too obvious about it, you might just be able to scare your daughter’s boyfriend with a gun without even trying. It’s pretty simple, you’ll only need to just sit somewhere in the living room and pretend to be in the middle of cleaning your gun while telling your daughter’s boyfriend to make sure she’s home by 9 p.m. in the most nonchalant way you can think of.
And it can be any gun too, it doesn’t have to be anything special. Heck, a replica will work if that’s all you have. But what if you have real steel? And what if you have more than one?
Or if you don’t have a gun and you’re looking into buying one — maybe not just for the purpose of scaring your daughter’s boyfriend but also to protect her and your other loved ones as well — what gun should you buy? That’s what this topic is for. Here’s my personal list of the Top 5 Guns To Scare Your Daughter’s Boyfriend.
Table of Contents
Shotguns are some of the most common firearms people see these days. They’re so common that they’ve become kind of boring. They’re nowhere near as scary as the average tacticool gun like a totally tricked-out AR-15-style rifle, more on that later. Yet, run-of-the-mill pump-action shotguns can still be scary to some people, if only by virtue of the fact that they have a really wide bore.
There’s always something scary about a shotgun’s bore, regardless of the type of shotgun or its chambering. If that wide bore can scare the living daylights out of your daughter’s boyfriend (depending on his intentions with her), a sinister-looking 20- or 30-round drum magazine should scare him even more, especially when it’s fully loaded.
Drum mags for magazine-fed shotguns have been around for quite some time, but they’ve only just recently started to really come into their own. Some are for pump-action shotguns that use the traditional manual action with just a magazine feed system added, while others are for semi-auto shotguns purpose-built specifically to look and feel like a rifle but still chamber and shoot standard double-aught buckshot and slugs.
The problem with a drum-fed shotgun setup is drum magazines tend to be expensive, not to mention unwieldy. It can become a bit of an issue if you’re setting up one for the sole purpose of scaring your daughter’s boyfriend. Like seriously, what if that boy happens to be a gun enthusiast himself and decides to spend the day talking to you about your drum-fed shotgun instead of taking your daughter to prom?
Also, any shotgun can be scary, it doesn’t have to have a drum mag. If you have a boring-looking Remington Model 870 with the old-fashioned walnut hardwood stock, you can easily amp up its scary factor by attaching an M7 bayonet to it via a bayonet lug, something like an Ultimate Arms Gear bayonet lug that can be purchased on Amazon. Impractical, but scary.
Still, if you’re intent on buying a tacticool shotgun with a drum mag to scare your daughter’s boyfriend, among other things, you may as well go for a semi-auto such as a Kalashnikov KS-12T with an MSRP of $940 and street prices of $750 give or take.
If you don’t already have one, without a doubt, the scariest pistol you can buy is the Desert Eagle. It’s massive, intimidating, and highly impractical if you’re only buying it to scare your daughter’s boyfriend. Outside of that purpose, if you’ll buy one chambered for either the .50 Action Express or even the .44 Magnum, you may be able to use it for hunting up to black bear-size game. Other than for hunting, I don’t see the point in getting one.
To say that pistols are a dime a dozen these days is a gross understatement. They are everywhere. If you’re broke but you absolutely need to scare your daughter’s boyfriend and you can only do it by showing a handgun to him (no matter how absurd that sounds), Saturday Night Specials are the way to go, with some models like the Lorcin L-25 going for as low as $90 if you know where to look.
These crappy pistols are typically made of pot metal like Zamak which may sound terrible but who cares? It’s not like you’re going to shoot it a lot anyway, and if even if you are, it’s chambered in one of the weakest cartridges known to man, the .25 ACP, which may or may not cause a catastrophic failure depending on whether or not you’re feeling lucky and decide to shoot more than a few boxes’s worth of ammo out of the damn thing in one sitting.
All that crap about Saturday Night Specials aside, if you want something far more decent, maybe an all-around semi-automatic handgun that is durable, reliable, and chambered for one of the most powerful pistol caliber cartridges on the market today, namely the 10mm Auto, get a Glock 20.
You can carry it concealed, you can hunt deer with it, you can put it in your nightstand drawer for home defense, and you can most certainly put the fear of God in anyone, including your daughter’s boyfriend, with it. And with an MSRP of $547, it won’t cost an arm and a leg. If for some reason, it doesn’t look intimidating enough, just do a bit of research and you should be able to attach a small bayonet to it.
Unlike their magazine-fed handgun cousins, in the world of firearms today, wheel guns are considered by many to be ancient relics from more than a century ago. They’re mostly clunky, impractical and relatively expensive next to their pistol counterparts. Indeed, if one of your local gun store associates would be willing to have a chit-chat with you about their sales figures (not that it’s something they’d readily talk to anyone about), they’d tell you that pistols outsell revolvers by a significantly huge margin.
Revolvers are not popular — at least nowhere near as popular as they used to be before the United States Army adopted the Model 1911. And before some of you even object, yes, the release of the Smith & Wesson Model 27 and the .357 Magnum cartridge in 1935 did somewhat put revolvers back to the mainstream but only ever so slightly, as the grandfather of the Wonder Nines, the Browning Hi-Power, was going to come out five years after the fact. But I digress.
Revolvers having six holes in the cylinder in addition to the muzzle already look scary. They are bigger and heavier than most handguns, which makes them a bit more scary. And the fact that they’re not a popular choice and only very few people own them these days adds to their mystique, which makes them even more scary. And if your daughter’s boyfriend hasn’t seen one in person before, it’ll just make it that much more scary to him.
The most powerful production revolver of our time, the Smith & Wesson Model 500 chambered for the aptly-named .500 Smith& Wesson Magnum cartridge, is way up there on the intimidation scale because of its monstrous frame and its ominously wide bore, but for $1,430.00, it’s not exactly wallet-friendly, not to mention its proprietary ammo can be superfluously expensive. So if you’re only looking to scare your daughter’s boyfriend and you don’t intend to go out hunting any large game animal, I would not recommend that you buy one.
Instead, you may want to look at the EAA Windicator chambered in .357 Magnum. With an MSRP of $440, you can get the blued version with a six-inch barrel. Unlike its more expensive brand-name competitors such as the Ruger GP100, the Smith & Wesson 686, or the recently-resurrected Colt Python, it isn’t going to be a head turner — but then it doesn’t have to be. In fact, its lack of aesthetic appeal adds to its scary factor that you probably won’t need to attach a bayonet to it — not that it has an accessory rail to begin with. If nothing else, it’s one of the best budget revolvers on the market as far as reliability so it can easily double as a nightstand gun for home defense.
4. Pistol Caliber Carbine
Pistol caliber carbines have been all the rage among gun enthusiasts for the last couple of years. If you’re one of the few who have yet to jump on the bandwagon, you might want to know why pistol caliber carbines are becoming more and more popular.
Besides giving your typical handgun cartridge better ballistic performance, these pistol caliber carbines allow for faster and more accurate follow-up shots, better recoil control, and more room for accessories. And if you had tried to scare your daughter’s boyfriend before by cleaning your plastic handgun in front of him and it somehow didn’t work, you may just be able to scare him with a pistol caliber carbine — if you attach a bayonet to it.
I know I’ve mentioned the word bayonet more than a few times but bear with me here for a moment. Bayonet attachments for handguns, carbines, and rifles are nothing new. But no one really cares for them because you shouldn’t bring a knife to a gunfight. That sounds cliche but really, the last thing you’d want to do in a gunfight is run towards someone and try to stab them with your gun’s bayonet, which makes the gun pointless.
You can argue that a bayonet can come in handy when you run out of bullets, but most handguns these days come with 10-18 rounds in the mag and you can always bring a spare mag which again, makes bayonets impractical. So why do I seem to like them? Well, I don’t, but if there’s one thing about bayonets that I like, they’re good for scaring people, especially your daughter’s boyfriend. Bayonets look evil and will make the boyfriend pee in his pants if he has bad intentions with your daughter.
Going back to the subject, most pistol caliber carbines typically sport more than a few accessory rails in a couple different places which allow for multiple attachments like a red dot sight, a laser, a flashlight, and again, a bayonet.
Hi-Point’s Model 995 chambered in 9mm is the most affordable pistol caliber carbine on the market today with an MSRP of $386. But I would recommend KelTec’s SUB2000 which is foldable, comes in two different chamberings — 9mm or .40 S&W and only costs a hundred dollars more than the Hi-Point. Whichever one you go with, make sure to get a bayonet for scaring your daughter’s boyfriend.
5. AR-15-Style Rifle
And finally, I get to talk about AR-15-style rifles. These are, in my opinion, the bee’s knees when it comes to scaring anyone, which most definitely includes your daughter’s boyfriend — unless he’s a gun nut and owns one himself, that is. The AR-15 is the most versatile shooting platform bar none, as it can be configured for any situation imaginable.
You need something for home defense? You can go to Palmetto State Armory’s website and purchase their most affordable AR-15 chambered in 5.56mm, the M4 Freedom Rifle. Maybe there’s a grizzly prowling about and you’re not too sure that your AR-15 in 5.56mm is going to cut it? You can get a .50 Beowulf upper from Alexander Arms and just install it on your existing AR-15 lower.
How about configuring your AR-15 so you can scare your daughter’s boyfriend? You can get the longest AR-15 barrel you can find for the caliber you prefer and attach one of those vicious-looking door breacher muzzle brakes from Infinite Product Solutions to it. The possibilities are literally endless.
And speaking of attachments, earlier I talked about how pistol caliber carbines allow you to attach a variety of accessories to it thanks to its accessory rails. With an AR-15, the sky’s the limit when it comes to attachments. You can get an M-Lok handguard or a quad-rail handguard and mount every single accessory you can think of to your AR-15.
Remember the bayonet bit I’ve harped on about? With an AR-15, you don’t have to settle for some puny bayonet if you can have something much more scary like a short-barrel Remington M870 attached via Lockhart Tactical’s UBS-12 shotgun mount. Again, expensive and impractical, not to mention there’s extra paperwork to take care of, so it probably won’t be worth tricking out your AR-15 this way if you’re only going to do it to scare your daughter’s boyfriend. But the point stands. As far as versatility and scary factor, the AR-15 is in a league of its own.